Connecting is a Skill - Not a Personality Trait

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Dear #fintech friends, I hate when you say to me, "Your such a great networker; I wish I had your ability to make deep connections so fast."

Networking and relationship building is a conscious skill that I've been practicing and refining for my entire career...it's not an innate skill. 

Good news: it's not that hard. 

Just make a conscious effort and remember the manners your Momma taught you were you were a child. Well, a little more refined than that ...but not much. 

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5 Practices to Build and Elevate Your Relationships

Although I love calendly and other online scheduling tools, sometimes we forget manners still matter in relationship building. Yes, reschedule if you must but a little quick apology note goes a long way. It’s easy to forget that every interaction whether a meeting or purely digital—whether it’s an intro call or a long-overdue reconnection—is either building or eroding trust. How you show up before, during and after the conversations sets the tone for all the possibilities: partnerships, collaborations, mentorships, alliances, referrals, and authentic friendships.

I’m not necessarily a huge fan of small talk or insincere flattery. Instead, it’s about basic manners, genuine interest and being present. Here are what I deem to be five best practices for relationship building or nurturing – a skill every executive or heck, every person should be doing…not just with business acquaintances but yeah, even when calling your child or mom.

1. Treat Time as a Shared Asset

Showing up on time isn’t just polite—it’s a signal that you value the other person, and in our world that cherishes the multitasker, I encourage you to be mentally present. If you need to reschedule last minute, don’t do it blindly – send a short apology email or text.

When you respect someone’s time, you’re already collaborating—even before the conversation begins.

2. Prepare As If You’re Already Partners

The strongest connections begin with context. When you come prepared—having reviewed the person’s background, business, or recent work—you’re not just informed, you’re invested. It shows you’re not here to “wing it,” but to potentially co-create a meaningful relationship.

When you prepare for someone, it shows you’ve already invested in them and they matter to you.

3. Balance the Conversation—Don’t Dominate It

Great conversations are reciprocal and co-authored. If you’re doing all the talking—even if it’s brilliant—you’re missing the chance to build trust. Ask questions. Pause. Invite commentary. The goal isn’t to impress—it’s to connect. Yes - even in an intro call with a potential client. In fact, that’s when it matters most.

People remember how you make them feel, not just what you said. Balanced, sometimes slower-paced conversations create space for real exchange, strategic insights, and shared perspectives and possibility.

4. Make Listening Your Competitive Advantage

Listening isn’t passive, it’s active strategy. When you truly listen, you pick up on nuance, unmet needs, and emotional cues that no pitch deck really discovers. Reflect back what you heard and what you sense. Ask follow-ups that show you’re truly hearing them.

Great relationships are built and fostered through conversations that flow –if you listen to truly understand - not just pause before you go back to your pitch.

5. Follow Up with Purpose

Relationship building doesn’t end when the call does. A thoughtful follow-up—summarizing key points, next steps, or even a moment that resonated—cements the connection. It shows you’re not just reactive, but intentional. I don’t follow the 2-Hour Rule. Unless there’s a specific commitment that requires immediate action, I try to send something meaningful about a third of the way between the conversation and the next likely touchpoint—early enough to stay relevant, but not so early it feels transactional.

Follow-up is where trust has a compounding effect. It’s often the moment a conversation starts to  become a relationship.

Bonus Tip: To Record or Not.

AI notetakers are incredibly useful – great for prompts, follow-ups and keeping us efficient. But they’re not right for every conversation. My rule of thumb: If it’s a new or personal relationship and your goal is to build trust, skip the recorder. Especially if the conversation might touch on personal opinions, emotions, or anything vulnerable. Note, if the call shifts into technical items, you can always ask mid-call if it’s okay to record.

Efficiency is great, but not when it comes at the expense of a safe, honest conversation.

Connection Is Operational, Emotional, and Strategic

Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or reconnecting with a longtime colleague or friend, these best practices aren’t just some modern-day Emily Post etiquette manual, they’re a deliberate playbook for building trust and real relationships.

Connection isn’t something you stumble into, it’s something you build - one intentional moment at a time.